I’m really trying to get into the Christmas spirit. I really am. But I just can’t get there this year. I’ve done my shopping and have planned my Christmas dinners (yes, I’m doing two. One with family and one with friends. My place is just two small to have more than 10 people eating together.) I’ve listened to Christmas music and watched a couple different versions of the Christmas Carol on the tele. But nothing is doing it for me this year.
I don’t think I’ve really gotten in the Christmas mood for a few years now. I just want to say, what’s the point. But I don’t want to say that. The childhood inside says that, well … that’s a horrible thing to say. How can one not be happy for it to be Christmas? Then the other part of me says that it’s just a reason to spend a lot of money on people, buying them things because that’s what we do for Christmas. We can do that any time we please.
Maybe it’s stress. Work has worn my soul out more than I can say. I love my job, but if I woke up tomorrow and never had to go back, I wouldn’t be torn up about it. I don’t mind taking care of people and helping them, but when they get so rude and ungrateful that they have done all but spit in your face, it’s almost as insulting. I’m not saying that I have to hear thank you and the like every time I turn around. But when I am doing the best that I can for someone, it would be nice if they didn’t push me to my breaking point.
The colder it gets, the more my knee hurts. To the point where I want to scream, the pain is so bad. I want a solution, but it’s arthritis … which means a shot or pain meds (the second I’m not too wild about.)
I feel as if I wake up, I work, and there is nothing more. Now, it’s true .. winter is a rough time for me mentally. But I take my meds and I can tell you, yes, they are working.
I am excited about this Saturday. I get to dress up and go caroling in my Civil War era outfit. I love to dress that way! I am so comfortable in that era of dress that I would wear it all the time if I could. And going to Arlington Cemetery to lay wreathes … I haven’t been there since I was in the 8th grade.
So, I needed to write this … to get it out. Maybe if I type the thoughts out, it will help relieve them? I’m hoping that will leave some room for happier tidings to fill my mind.
I hear you honey. There are years where I’m just all “meh” inside. You’ve had a lot going on and to be fair to yourself, how much of this could be the post-wedding-honeymoon blahs? Your life was on high speed awesomeness for a while and then between re-entry and work being awful, is it any wonder?
I think of you all the time, and I miss your take no prisoners pragmatism. You and I were cut from the same cloth, just my end of the bolt’s a lot browner than yours. LOL
It’s more of the same here. I’m not depressed, I’m not bah-humbug, but I’m not jazzed up about Christmas either.
I’m so with you! but a bit more on the flaky side – being that I’m much more “What? Christmas is coming!” Yeah, I’m up on things like that. Here’s hoping you feel better soon. Take pictures of you all caroling….Please! 🙂
You’re doing Christmas dinner? No, wait! You’re doing TWO Christmas dinners?!!! In my book, that makes you Queen of Christmas. Seriously. You are awesome.
I tend to feel overwhelmed with making sure everyone is happy and getting it all done.Hugs Darcy
I’m so sorry Amy 😦 If it makes you feel any better I struggle with this every year too. I used to adore Christmas and everything about it, but sometimes it feels like so much extra work for not a whole lot of return. Stress can certainly do that for you! Just take good care of yourself and be sure to enjoy those special moments alone with your hubby. Those moments make everything worth it! Hang in there! {{hugs}}